i already hear my dad disowning me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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