Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
