I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
