Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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