She's JV to your varsity
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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