oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
