Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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