I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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