I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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