Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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