i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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