So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
