I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
