the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
