I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
