Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
