It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
