oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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