Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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