...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing