So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...