Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The air was thick with penises
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.