It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.