And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?