OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize