Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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