we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
