How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize