No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
