Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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