The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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