He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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