He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize