Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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