my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
