He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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