I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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