i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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