Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
