Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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