I feel like abortions should bother me more
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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