If i come over, it means nothing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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