I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
