I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
