Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
