"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
