fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm passing your future prison.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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