I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on