Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two

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  (315): were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two http://tfl.nu/ite6
  Replies (16) Good night (1024) Bad night (2678)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.

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  (407): Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007. http://tfl.nu/n4mi
  Replies (9) Good night (3219) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth

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  (769): My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth http://tfl.nu/6ama
  Replies (33) Good night (3414) Bad night (2593)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
  Replies (34) Good night (4136) Bad night (986)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
  Replies (27) Good night (1628) Bad night (5374)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9507) Bad night (1601)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (82) Good night (9563) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

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  (860): I smell like Captain Morgan and tears http://tfl.nu/pqes
  Replies (11) Good night (1467) Bad night (2840)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.

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  (815): i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past. http://tfl.nu/fh9a
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.

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  (778): She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/9heo
  Replies (12) Good night (1946) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

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  (716): You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will http://tfl.nu/h8xm
  Replies (3) Good night (884) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're perfect

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  (603): My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign. (203): You're perfect http://tfl.nu/d0zl
  Replies (17) Good night (1157) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now

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  (609): I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now http://tfl.nu/txwa
  Replies (5) Good night (618) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!

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  (513): You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up! http://tfl.nu/45jw
  Replies (3) Good night (739) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out

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  (941): And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out http://tfl.nu/m8h7
  Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (369)

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