just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.