I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night