he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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