And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
