drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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