she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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