You smell like a Billy Joel song
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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