He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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